I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
