Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Terrible idea I love it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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