She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
