from now on my penis is your penis
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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