I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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