considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
