I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.