dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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