Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
