I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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