ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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