walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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