So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I supernannyed him into submission
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
