i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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