alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
