we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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