just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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