batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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