I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm like, not good at living.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
