Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
