Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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