Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
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High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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