Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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