theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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