you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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