I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
