I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
