Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
