it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
