You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
