Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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