ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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