Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
