I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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