wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
