I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
