There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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