hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
