Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
