why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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