Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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