Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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