I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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