They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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