Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
