Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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