Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
