Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize