It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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