New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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