In America we eat man semen.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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