Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
