awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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