The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
