Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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