he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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