I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
