I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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