i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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