Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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