i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
