i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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