Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
