I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your cock deserves a montage
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
