I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
