yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize