I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
