Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
