Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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